Complaint Letter

11 09 2011

Dear sir or madam,

I was very disappointed when I attended your concert last night.  I feel that

you’ve lost your creative urgency.  I hate to say it, but you my friend are a sell-

out of the box, I noticed that only one of the items I ordered were in the box

and that it required assembly! If I wanted to spend all Sunday assembling fifty-

six of your closest friends to Disneyland for an all expense paid trip, I assumed

that included liquor.  If that was the case, it should have been written n the fine-

print out the paper ticket, it wasn’t accepted.  He accused me of counterfeiting

it.  The nerve!  If you’re going to refuse to honor things printed from your web-

site is not acceptable.  For one thing the majority of the property is considered

marshland in the local registry.  For the other thing, it is situated next to a strip-

club cannot be considered exclusive if you are going to let anyone become a

member.  When I saw that you let that Albanian join the club, I was so dumb-

founded on the principles of equality and equal treatment before the law.  What

you’ve done is equivalent to spitting on the flag.  I will never bend to the moral-

majority of the members are red-blooded Americans.  I admit that I have never

been to Albania, but I’m sure they feel the same way about Americans sight-

seeing that kind of filth when they are picking up and dropping off their kids.  I

respectfully request that you find another location for my Montessori pre-

school printer settings were incorrect.  I demand that you reimburse me for the

cost of the tickets and also the cost of transportation to and from the fair-

grounds that public drunkenness is bad for your company’s image, then maybe

your ads shouldn’t show young attractive people drinking vodka on a speed-

boat doesn’t even float, it just sits on the bottom of the tank blowing bubbles all

day.  Please send the remainder of the aquarium miniatures that I ordered post-

haste to leave, I forgot to get my CD autographed by the drummer, whom I

consider to be the only true musician left in your band.


Carlton Kvetch




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