First Blog

15 08 2011

I’ve never written a blog before, but my uncle Herbert tells me that it’s something I should try.  You know how much I like to get in on the latest fads, or maybe you don’t.  Herbert tells me that I should expect people I don’t know to read my blog like stalkers.  But then again, if a stalker is reading this, he already does know me even if I don’t know them.  Now, with this blog, they won’t have to go through my trash, they can just read my blog.


Herbert tells me that I should write about the mundane things that happen in my life.  Here goes.  This morning I woke up on the left side of the bed.  When I stood up and put my slippers on, I found a present that my cat left me.  Usually he leaves the dead mice on the top step of the stairs which is pretty dangerous.  You thought banana peels are slippery, just wait till you step on a dead mouse in the morning before your coffee.  The only thing worse than finding a dead mouse in your slipper is finding one that is only maimed.  It wouldn’t have been so bad if the end with the teeth had been paralyzed instead of the back end.


My wife is great.  She reacted pretty well to the screaming and the jumping on the bed.  She even helped me bandage up my toes.  Do mice have rabies?  Maybe I should make an appointment to get rabies shots.  Anyway, my wife is great.  She is so strong.  I don’t blame her for punching me in the eye.  I’m sure I would have done the same thing if it had been her that found the spider on her towel and flicked it off into my hair.  We both screamed like little girls.  It was great.


Breakfast was fun.  I thought I’d try something new this morning with eggs, but it didn’t turn out the way I expected.  I had no problem breaking the eggs and getting them in the toaster slot, but getting them out again was something else.  You know, it’s not just bread that lets off a bunch of smoke when you overcook it in the toaster, eggs do the same thing.  I tried getting them out with a fork.  I’m not sure how well that worked because when I came to, the paramedics were already there.  They weren’t entirely sure if I had hit the edge of the table with my face or the back of my head since I had bruising on both sides.  I winked at my wife with my good eye, because we both knew which side it was.


It turned out to be only a mild concussion, which was good because I was able to call off work.  Woo-hoo!  Day off!  Take that, robot overlords!  No laser whip for me today.  I hope the robot overlords don’t end up reading my blog.  That would be bad.  I better ask Herbert about that when I get a chance.


Daytime television is sure boring.  Ever since the machines took over, reality television has gone downhill.  And the soaps are terrible.  I don’t know how my wife puts up with it all day.  I guess she doesn’t really have time to watch it anyway what with all the chores our former cleaning droid demands.  I shouldn’t complain too much, the overlords have kept the insectoid invaders at bay.  Robots may be hard and unfeeling, but they’re much better than giant slime beetles.  At least the robots don’t crave human flesh.


I guess I’ll write again tomorrow.  Maybe I’ll actually have something interesting to write about.  Herbert says the first blog is always the hardest to write, but this hasn’t been too bad.




One response

15 08 2011
David Montgomery


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